FWCP...

Good morning all! Normally, if there is such a thing for me, I write my blogs in the evening between 8 PM and 9 PM. Last night, however, I had a rehearsal until 10 and, well, I just didn't have anything to say.

But the passing of time changes everything and my blog is no different. As I lay awake again at 3:37 this morning the wheels were turning backwards, not forward as one would hope. Stress was up, hope was low. Why? Well, life has been difficult of late. Business is, hmmm, an adventure at best, because of a lackluster economy and fear in the marketplace. The first expenses to be cut are advertising, one source of revenue for us, and spending on event ticketing. Add to that one or two other personal issues and it is a recipe for late night sleeplessness.

So there I am at 3:37 awake. But not simply awake, wired with worry and anxiety. I can't stop my brain from imagining the worst possible outcome for me financially, which is one of my great struggles. So I wrestle, fret, pray. Anxiety remains. I let the dog out, walk around, pray ... still no relief. One hour later, as I stare at the ceiling, I begin to think about the word faith. Then I tell myself, or God, or the dog, or someone, I simply need more faith. But to what end? It comes to me...

Faith to believe. Believe in what, you ask? That God knows my situation. That He cares deeply for me and my family. That there is a greater purpose being worked out in my life THROUGH these difficult times. Faith to believe that the darkness will end and light will shine forth.

But I still feel afraid. Courage, comes the answer from deep outside. I need courage. I begin to ask for courage. Courage to keep fighting, to not give in, give up, die. Courage to face the issues head on. To act decisively, to fight against the paralysis that often comes with fear.

But then it dawns on me that courage without, hmmm, wisdom can be disasterous. I pray for wisdom. Then I say to myself and to the UNSEEEN presence now in my living room, give me wisdom after you have given me faith, because only then will courage be an asset. And so it goes. I sense movement in my soul, the fleeing of fear in the face of faith, wisdom and courage.

Finally, I ask for provision. By now, however, provision seems the least necessary of all the things I have prayed for. I now see that Faith, Wisdom, and Courage are the essentials needed for getting through the darkness and FINDING provisions.

I get up, walk to my bedroom, 4:50 AM. I fall asleep telling myself to remember FWCP for the morning!