Gardening...

Believe it or not, today was a day for gardening for me. Not in the literal sense, although I was outside, working my yard, raking leaves, sweeping walks, I even mowed the lawn, not so much because the grass was long but simply to clean the remnant leaves from the green expanse of my little place on this planet.

No, there were no flowers to plant, it was the interior I was working on today, the garden of my mind. I became aware of a fertile and well grown by now, dream of some years that had flowered and bloomed. This dream plant is not, as many may guess, my business, or any particular vocational activity that I now do at some level. No, not only has this dream gone unfulfilled, but it is also of such a deeply personal nature that I am hesitant to share it here. But I share it here because something ordinary/extraordinary happened while mid-garden, that I felt I must write it down.

You see, dreams wield power over us, sometimes for good, sometimes in not so good ways, those are called nightmares! This dream, while largely good has had nightmare moments. In the sense that it has often looked so unobtainable, so absolutely impossible, so far out of reach that even the furthest galaxy seems to lie closer than what I dream of. And, the most irritating part of it, for me at least, is that it cannot come because of something I do. If that were the case, well, I would do whatever it took to realize it.

So today I am merrily (in deference to the season) raking leaves, sweeping the sidewalks, mowing the lawn. But filled with consternation over my inability to forget said dream growing in the garden of my mind. Therefore, because I am who I am, I began to pray for God to take it away, begging him to realize, as I had, that I just couldn't take it anymore.

But a strange thing happened as I did so ... my mind flashed to so many dreams that had come into my life that had once felt utterly fool=hardy, but that somehow, through the course of time they grew into beautiful plants needing my attention. All these visions had one thing in common: I could not create the circumstances (read move the mountains) myself, because the dream was on a set course and would arrive at just the right time and no sooner. Oh yes, and WITHOUT MY ASSISTANCE! A companion thought also arrived at the same moment to remind me that, well, it was still in the "plan," it was just going to take time to make everything work out. I guess my idea of good timing is not necessarily God's.

Oddly, all this, hmmm, communication gave me hope. Most of us think that the more WE are in control the more hope we will have. But in truth I have found that when I embrace the idea that I have no control whatsoever, except in how I respond to changing circumstance, well, hope grows. (Besides, having control can lead to excessive meddling, not a good thing to help dreams grow). After all, who really knows how a plant grows? The farmer? The botanist? Oh, they may know elements of the process, but plants, like dreams and visions, grows on their own, powered by forces unseen to either you, or me.

YAWN, time to take a nap and watch my plants grow!